10.2.05

So what? Sew buttons!

Dena Fishbein, host of the DIY Netowkr's hit show, Making Things Worse, destroyed the universe yesterday in a tragic mishap. Fishbein had spent the morning making buttons worse by gluing smaller buttons onto them, planning to spend the afternoon making her perfectly good purse worse by gluing the new button agglomerates all the fuck over it. When she broke for lunch, she moved the buttons to a cookie tray, planning to leave the tray in an open window to make sure the glue would dry completely. Sadly, Fishbein had already made the once perfectly good cookie tray worse by gluing buttons all the fuck over it. When she introduced the new buttons, the Planck Button Density was briefly exceeded. This created a tear, or "buttonhole", in the reality of the reality, destroying everything. The universe is survived by its twin sister Reginald and its three children: Lance Ito, Borth Poy Sippi, and Jack Nicholson. Calling hours are FRIDAY!!! from 6-6pm. Instead of flowers, the family requests that donations be sent to your mom.
posted by Liar at 01:26