that chick's got balls.
posted by Liar at 13:50


Wait, wwhat?

I stopped grading for the night at about midnight last night. Ug. But then I settled in to reading Lauren's blog. (I started at the beginning a little while ago.) By 5:20, I was almost current, very conscious of how wickedly in love with her I am, and finally tired enough to sleep. I nestled in and slept, well enough, until about 8:30. When I woke up because of the smoke. The story's not terribly interesting. All's well now, as far as I can tell. Here are some favorite moments:
  • The apartment's at its smokiest, the Fire Department is on their way, and I've been instructed to wait outside. Instead, I'm inside, hunched over to keep my face under the smoke, picking up my scattered dirty clothes. Can't have the FD seeing what a slob I am, right?
  • All the windows and both doors are open, the eight or so firefolk (who didn't mean to let me see them raise any eyebrows about my awesome mural or Abe Lincoln bathroom) are waiting outside while the smoke clears, there's a big old exhaust fan on the stoop: the apartment has become a lethargic wind tunnel. I'm inside watching it all. My students' tests are quivering on the floor--occasionally, one of them peels up and blows over to the couch. Photocopied articles that were lying on the floor are up in the air, fluttering against each other. The `I Love You' balloon attached to the VD flowers Lauren sent me is dancing seductively in the kitchen. My hair is sweeping back and forth on top of my head as I turn slowly to watch it all. And the noises! All the rustling and crinkling is set against the whoosh of the air, the deep buzz of the fan, and the irregular clank of the fan's uneven metal leg on my brick steps. I can't hear anything else, and I don't want to.
  • One of the firefolk is filling out his report. He has three questions for me: `What's your name?', `What's your phone number?', and `What's the complete value of everything you own?'.
  • I'm waiting for the repair. I decide that I'm taking today off to write like I didn't do yesterday.
Now, the repair's been and gone, and everything seems to be working just as it should. I'm going to class tonight for the free pizza, but the rest of my day goes to my work. Summary: LJ is psychic, and I fucking love everything. 9 days until the part of everything that I particularly love is here with me.
posted by Liar at 12:15


The Tragedy That Shocked The Nation

is a media fabrication. September 11 never happened. The Twin Towers are still standing. Don't believe everything you see on TV.
posted by Liar at 11:23


What party?

Jason and I walked fully decked out from my apartment over to Amy's; while we were on our way, someone passed us on a bicycle and said, "We have enough tacky people around here already. Why don't you go back to New York or wherever you're from?" Then she rode straight off the end of a dead-end road into the woods. The party was a complete success. Amy was so worried about it! But it was a house party of the old school, complete with keg, lights too low, and music pumping. You should've been there. (In particular, LJ, you should've been there.)

Three lovely ladies.

posted by Liar at 12:18

I Drew declare!

posted by Liar at 12:17

Bruce is glowing on the couch.

posted by Liar at 12:16

The other Dave with our gracious host.

posted by Liar at 12:15


Sometimes I forget

how much fun my job is. For the first time in way too long, I'm writing philosophy today! Oh, it feels good to be back.
posted by Liar at 13:31


Personally, I'd eat them both

You can Save Toby but Bernd's much cuter.
posted by Liar at 16:58


I love this one.

That is all.
posted by Liar at 00:00


Vagina euphemisms

Oh baby
posted by Liar at 19:21

How do they do that?!

Ping pong
posted by Liar at 19:11

A moosic video

Bovine Freedom - Join the Revolution
posted by Liar at 18:53


I am proud to be a human being.

Holy shit.
posted by Liar at 01:05



The Expression Sex Change has a new "Expression of the Week" every 15 seconds or so. But the real gems aren't on the front page. Selections:
posted by Liar at 00:13


So what? Sew buttons!

Dena Fishbein, host of the DIY Netowkr's hit show, Making Things Worse, destroyed the universe yesterday in a tragic mishap. Fishbein had spent the morning making buttons worse by gluing smaller buttons onto them, planning to spend the afternoon making her perfectly good purse worse by gluing the new button agglomerates all the fuck over it. When she broke for lunch, she moved the buttons to a cookie tray, planning to leave the tray in an open window to make sure the glue would dry completely. Sadly, Fishbein had already made the once perfectly good cookie tray worse by gluing buttons all the fuck over it. When she introduced the new buttons, the Planck Button Density was briefly exceeded. This created a tear, or "buttonhole", in the reality of the reality, destroying everything. The universe is survived by its twin sister Reginald and its three children: Lance Ito, Borth Poy Sippi, and Jack Nicholson. Calling hours are FRIDAY!!! from 6-6pm. Instead of flowers, the family requests that donations be sent to your mom.
posted by Liar at 01:26

I am lazy
posted by Liar at 00:12


"You can pee in your cup and drink it, have it your way!"

The Rope
posted by Liar at 21:54

posted by Liar at 02:17

posted by Liar at 01:55


Pegacorn and crossdresser putting snow in asshole
posted by Liar at 00:02


Jesus and Fourrresht Succession

What really happened
posted by Liar at 14:58


I believe in life

This may change your mind, too.
posted by Liar at 07:50