31.5.05

I'm one of those calls.

So here we are, in a Comfort Inn in Cromwell, selected partially for its FREE HI-SPEED INTERNET! The magical internet box, though, appears to be dead. I call the front desk, only to be given a tech-support number. I call the tech-support number, and the woman asks me if I've had the front desk try a new box. I told her they told me to call her. Then she asks if the box is dead no matter which outlet it's plugged into. And--you guessed it--it was just plain unplugged. For the first time, I was one of those it's-not-plugged-in tech support calls. I told you everyone gets stupider and stupider past the age of 20.
posted by Liar at 23:37

21.5.05

What?

So I'm at the Days Inn in Newark, Delaware (yay free wi-fi!), and I'm fairly tired. Obviously, things are set up perfectly for hilarity to descend upon me. I turned on the TV a moment ago, only to face one of those late-night get-rich-quick ads. But this isn't any usual l-n g-r-q ad; this one has midgets! The two dudes who run the seminar they're selling are wee folk. This is awesome. If you're interested in getting rich from midgets, swing by www.cashflowgenerator.com. You'll hear the midgets talk over porn music.
posted by Liar at 01:13

17.5.05

Happy Pentamonthiversary!

When I think of her my toes flex because they want to squeeze her too. Happy five months to the one sharing this incredible trip with me. Shit is cool.
posted by Liar at 12:53

More Rumi

Remmber the mouse on the riverbank? There's a love-string stretching into the water hoping for the frog. Suddenly a raven grips the mouse and flies off. The frog, too, from the riverbottom, with one foot tangled in invisible string, follows, suspended in the air. Amazed faces ask, "When did a raven ever go underwater and catch a frog?" The frog answers, This is the force of Friendship. What draws friends together does not conform to laws of nature. Form doesn't know about spiritual closeness. If a grain of barley approaches a grain of wheat, an ant must be carrying it. A black ant on black felt. You can't see it, but if grains go toward each other, it's there. A hand shifts our birdcages around. Some are brought closer. Some move apart. Do not try to reason it out. Be conscious of who draws you and who not.
posted by Liar at 11:14

5.5.05

Look out Minnesota.

The lovely folks over at God Hates Fags have outdone themselves. God now also hates Sweden, they say, because of all the faggotry that goes on there. Because God so hates Sweden, He sent the Christmas tsunamis to Thailand, where there were (apparently) a lot of vacationing Swedes. And so they've designed a monument to commemorate the occasion. They want it 8 feet (!) by 6 feet by 2 feet, in pink salmon granite: Just about the only way to improve this monument would be to put a little chef's hat on one of the stick figures and have it saying `Bork! Bork! Bork!' Other than that, I think this one's ready for prime time.
posted by Liar at 13:04

4.5.05

Mystery package from Germany.

I open the door to check my mail today, and I find a package from Germany. It's a cardboard square, about a foot on a side, with one side folded over and the other three taped with Scotch tape. Here it is:


There doesn't seem to be anything in it. So I cut the tape off carefully, and it turns out the package itself is what's being sent! It's a German cereal box:


Thanks, Alice!
posted by Liar at 16:53